From cool Vancouver to ... sucky Sochi?

The winter Olympics are over, and the Russians are red.

Not commie red. (That’s so ’80s.) Angry red.

You see, Russia is a vast frozen wasteland not good for much except nuclear missile bases and winter sports.

So usually, at the Winter Olympics, the Russians are a true superpower. This go-around, they looked like the Dallas Cowboys in a playoff game.

The Russians won only 15 medals – with just three golds. That’s one of their worst performances since Boris Yeltsin was sober.

And they’re not happy about it.

Russian leader Dmitry Medvedev moaned that Russia “ has lost the old Soviet school ... and we haven't created our own school.”

There you go again, Dmitry, pining for the good ol’ days of steroids ’n’ gulags. Get with the program, comrade!

The Russkies especially need to turn around their Olympic program because in four years they’re hosting.

And already, people are predicting another disaster – and not just in the medal count.

The reason is that the games will be in Sochi, a resort town in southern Russia on the Black Sea.

How southern? Real southern. You can’t go much further south in Russia before winding up in Armenia.

Unlike most of Russia, Sochi is not a frozen wasteland. Fact is, it’s kind of sunny. Sort of like Miami with a bunch of bad cars on the streets and fat people on the sidewalks.

"It would be very hard to find a place in Russia that has no snow in the wintertime, but that's just what (Vladimir) Putin did," said Boris Nemtsov, a former deputy prime minister and Sochi native.

"Sochi is the warmest place in Russia, with no infrastructure, no experience in winter sports – it doesn't even have a hockey team – and many other problems."

And one of those problems is corruption, with a capital C.

Hoo-boy. I can hardly wait for these winter Olympics: Balmy with a chance of bribery.

Let the games begin.