Chimp cruelty!

Those darned Russians are at it again.

They’re being mean to a poor, innocent chimpanzee!

It’s true, animal lovers. Zhora, a chimp in a Russian zoo, has picked up some bad habits, such as smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. (No word if he’s hooked on reality shows too.)

"The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze," the Komsomolskaya Pravda paper said. Well, duh!

So now the Russkies want to send Zhora to rehab and make him quit cold turkey! Oh, the humanity!

If you were a chimpanzee (and I’ve long suspected that some of this blog’s readers are) would you rather smoke Marlboros and swill Budweisers or eat rotten fruit and slurp stagnant pond water?

No contest with me.

Gee whiz, why not let Zora live out his remaining years in peace, puffing and boozing away to his heart’s content?

Hey, he’s a chimp in a cage. What else does he have to look forward to?

Besides, if you stick him in rehab, he could end up rooming with Amy Winehouse or Tiger Woods and pick up some really bad habits.