Just as we expected, gasoline prices are rising again. The election is over, so the string-pullers have started increasing prices. We’ll probably be paying $3 a gallon soon.
… I hope you’ve figured out that the preceding three sentences are NOT true. As anyone who has done the pump-and-pay thing knows, gas prices are falling. That’s down, not up.
Average prices are below $2 a gallon. You can even find a few places in Southeast Texas that offer the magic elixir for $1.89. State and national prices dropped an average of six cents last week.
So what does it all mean? It means that yet another conspiracy theory has been exposed as nonsense.
You remember that one, don’t you? When gas prices started falling in the fall after months of increases, the tinfoil-hat crowd had a quick explanation.
The November election was coming, and Republicans wanted to make sure voters weren’t ticked off. So “they” started ratcheting down gas prices. Heck, Bush had been an oilman in Midland once, so what more proof did you need?
Then, once the last votes had been counted and Republicans were safely back in power, the oil companies would get the green light to rake in the greenbacks.
Well, if facts matter, the post-election surge never happened. If this was a conspiracy, it had lousy timing. Plunging prices didn’t even stop voters from dumping Republicans.
Think about that the next time somebody jabs you with his elbow and says “the government” is keeping the lid on a carburetor that gets 200 mpg.
It ain’t so. Life isn’t always that complicated — or mysterious.
Gas prices are falling because demand is down and supply is up. When those factors are reversed, prices will go up.
… Ahhh, so that’s it. “They” are waiting for the right moment to turn the tables. I knew it. You can’t trust “them” … whoever “they” are.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Fueling conspiracies
Friday, January 26, 2007
Fed up
I never thought I’d say this, but three cheers for K Fed.
OK, seeing as we’re talking about the supremely untalented Kevin Federline, make that just two cheers.
Still, you have to give Britney’s ex some credit. He has enough of a sense of humor to star in one of those clever “life comes at ya fast” commercials that will air Super Sunday.
The ad shows the K man dreaming about life as a rap mogul but then cuts back to reality, where he’s slinging fries at a burger joint.
Way to go, Kev! OK, maybe you needed the money too, but nice touch anyway.
The even funnier thing about this is that someone comes off as being goofier than K Fed. That of course would be Steven Anderson, president and chief executive officer of the National Restaurant Association.
Why? Because Anderson said the commercial is a “strong and direct insult to the 12.8 million Americans who work in the restaurant industry” because it gives “the impression that working in a restaurant is demeaning and unpleasant.”
Steve, get a life. Do you really believe that? Do you think anyone smart enough to know the difference between a taco and a super-taco thinks that? Good grief.
Sure, some restaurant jobs are swell. I’m thinking about head chef at a three-star bistro.
On the other hand, lots of other restaurant jobs, like working the fry rack at Burger Barn or squeezing sauce at Taco Town — both at minimum wage — are, well, kind of “demeaning and unpleasant.”
Does Anderson think that “Jack” in the Jack-In-the-Box commercials will make people think that restaurant chain owners have giant ball heads?
Steve, take a lesson from K Fed and lighten up. And get a rap name, like Steve-O the CEO.
… Come to think of it, Federline was married to Britney Spears for two years. Maybe he’s not so dumb after all.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Chinese puzzle
To: Chinese Communist Party chief Hu Jintao
From: Me
Re: Your plans to control the Internet in China.
It ain’t gonna work.
Despite your best intentions to, as you put it in such Orwellian terms, "strengthen administration and development of our country’s Internet culture," you will fail.
The toothpaste is out of the tube, and a hundred dictators can’t put it back in. The ’net is all about freedom, not limits and boundaries. You can run from its impact, but you can’t hide.
That’s especially true in a country like China — increasingly modern and wealthy, beyond the control of petty commissars.
Maybe in a backwater like North Korea, which actually has a handful of Internet users among the privileged elite, you could keep the clamps on.
But in a huge nation like China, with millions of computers, fugedaboudit. One report said that in two years, China will have more Internet users than the current No. 1, the U.S. of A, which has 210 million webheads.
So my advice to you and your cronies on the Politburo is, enjoy while you can. People who have access to search engines and chat rooms and e-mail cannot be made to believe lies forever.
As the years go by, it will become harder to pretend that Karl Marx was some kind of genius.
It will become harder to explain why China’s people can’t choose China’s leaders.
It will become harder to justify shutting down a Web site that dares to dissent.
It will become really harder to put up with party bosses like you who spout nonsense like, "(We must) maintain the initiative in opinion on the Internet and raise the level of guidance online. We must promote civilized running and use of the Internet and purify the Internet environment."
You and your cohorts will hang on for a while; dictators are good at that. Eventually, though, the game will be up. You will be done in by a lot of things, and your inability to stifle liberty because of the Internet will be one of them.
Who’s Hu? A dinosaur who doesn’t know he’s about to become extinct.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Slug surgery
Joshua Bush, bearer of a bullet in his skull, says the lead in his head will prove that he was not involved in the burglary of a Port Arthur car lot last July. Jefferson County prosecutors suspect that the slug will prove that Bush was indeed a participant. In fact, they think he became a bullet host when he was shot at the scene of the crime.
Anyone who has watched a few episodes of CSI knows the obvious solution: Retrieve the round, do a ballistics test, and then either dismiss the case or prosecute it.
So far, however, the drama drags on. One attempt to pluck the projectile with a search warrant failed. The surgeon saw that bone had started to grow around the slug, making its removal harder but not impossible. Another attempt to set up that more complicated operation fell through when the hospital backed out. (Fear of lawsuits strikes again.)
I’m guessing that most law-abiding folks boil this one down to the basics: They wouldn’t want Bush sent away for a crime he didn’t commit. On the other hand, they wouldn’t want him to escape punishment for a crime he did commit by gaming the system.
Bush offered prosecutors a complicated deal to remove the bullet. So far, they have responded, “No deal.” They haven’t said if they will seek a third search warrant to get the lead out. Bush isn’t exactly strengthening his claim by saying he will have bullet removed after his trial for unrelated charges in April because, “It’s just the way I want to do it.”
Personally, I wouldn’t want to walk around with a hunk of metal in my forehead. The reasons range from, oh, I don’t know, the unsightly bulge to fear of lead poisoning to setting off alarms at metal detectors.
Win, lose or draw, however, Bush should be thankful. Getting shot in the forehead is a good way to depart this earth. He’s only 17. He is getting a second chance at a long life — inside prison walls or out in the real world.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Crime and time
It’s the oldest saying in law enforcement: Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.
Lately, it seems as if the modern version is: Go ahead and do the crime because you’ll have plenty of time to think about it … at the mall, on the golf course, anywhere but in prison.
Let’s review:
Bobby Green of in Port Neches, who impregnated a female teenage relative after a longstanding relationship, was given 10 years probation last week. His attorney said the girl’s 2003 pregnancy “came as complete surprise to everybody.” Actually, Green, 22, shouldn’t have been all that flabbergasted by the conception since he was, um, having sex with the girl. Fortunately, the fun couple won’t reunite, at least any time soon. The young lady was sentenced to 12 years in prison for putting her secretly born baby in a duffle bag, where it died.
The owner of a bus that exploded and killed 23 nursing home residents during the evacuation from Hurricane Rita was given five years probation this week for mismanaging his fleet. The judge spared James Maples from prison despite scolding him that “it was no way to run a business to endanger … the individuals who are putting trust in a carrier.” At least for the first year of his probation, Maples will spend six months in a halfway house and six months in home confinement. He also was fined $10,000, but he filed for bankruptcy six months before the accident.
In Leander, Texas, a former high school teacher who pleaded guilty to groping a student was sentenced this week to 10 years of probation … and a month in jail! Larry Wallace, 53, also has to pay a $2,500 fine and give up his teaching license. He reportedly told a student in January 2006 that he wanted to have sex with her, touching her breast and grabbing her between her legs in his classroom at Vista Ridge High School. … Can you spell “creep”?
Sure, some cases call for leniency and all that. But if judges and juries gave out more time on the inside, we might have fewer problems on the outside.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Big Mac, Big Game
We’ve had a lot of dreary news in the news lately; it’s time for a diversion to the world of sports:
A) There is hope after all. Mark McGwire stepped up to the plate for his first Hall of Fame vote, and he got a high, hard one that sent him sprawling. Despite hitting more home runs (583) than everyone but six players in the game, Big Mac’s name appeared only 128 of 545 ballots. Fans, a .234 average like that just won’t get you into Cooperstown.
The culprit of course, was juice, and I’m not talking about orange or apple. As most people who don’t believe in the Easter Bunny have figured out by now, Markie sort of bent the rules a little to hit a bunch of those dingers.
In today’s society, however, bending the rules and acting like a jerk are often OK — if not celebrated. It was easy to envision McGwire backing in the first time. Voters would say “583!” or “Everybody did it!”
It’s gratifying to know that we still have some limits. McGwire will slide in eventually, maybe after a carefully worded admission/apology. But he and the sport needed this wakeup call.
Memo to Barry, Sammy and Raffy: The same fate awaits you. I will enjoy watching you squirm.
.................
B) College football has a new national champion, and it isn’t Ohio State. I didn’t have a dog in this fight (unlike last year!) but I generally root for underdogs, so go Gators. That’s especially true when the favorite acts if the trophy should just be handed over without wasting time on actually playing the game.
As Gomer once said, “Surprise, surprise!”
Yet a nagging problem remains in the world of college football. The championship game has a dorky name. Worse yet, it’s a long dorky name that repeats a four-syllable word: “Bowl Championship Series national championship game.”
Wow, who thought that one up, someone in the Pentagon?
College football fans want something snappier, and who can blame them? How about:
1) The Booster Bowl
2) The Football Factory Bowl
3) The Scholar-Athlete (wink) Bowl
4) The Yet Another Bowl
5) The I Can’t Believe My Team Isn’t In This Bowl
and finally …
6) The Climactic Showdown Between Two Schools With Really Low Graduation Rates Bowl
That’s my six-pack; do you have any good names?
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