Back On Earth

You know you're getting too fat when you sit d...

2011-02-07T11:50:10.141-06:00

You know you're getting too fat when you sit down in your bathtub and the water in the toilet bowl rises.

Tar balls are good, especially when broiled.

2010-05-18T15:36:41.046-05:00

Tar balls are good, especially when broiled.

Well, for all the "non-real" men out the...

2010-05-17T10:37:46.922-05:00

Well, for all the "non-real" men out there who do wear "mirdles" I'd just like to point out that my grandfather did storm the beaches at Normandy, and while he might not have worn one at the time, in later life he wasn't averse to wearing a belly buster-style elasticated support belt, cummerbunds, and the like beneath his suit. He also shaved and wore cologne and

No, Poncy, this is all the fault of public-school ...

2010-05-15T20:47:50.430-05:00

No, Poncy, this is all the fault of public-school teachers and the Mexicans!

This is all George Bush's fault!

2010-05-15T20:45:48.859-05:00

This is all George Bush's fault!

Tar ball -- this could be a new sport. Do you hit...

2010-05-15T20:44:14.225-05:00

Tar ball -- this could be a new sport. Do you hit a tar ball with a bat or do you kick it? Extra points if it burns in the end zone?

I love freedom of movement, and so I love gasoline...

2010-05-15T08:15:46.216-05:00

I love freedom of movement, and so I love gasoline. Because I love gasoline I love Big Oil -- after all, government does not facilitate my freedom of movement; government hinders it by taxation. Even so, British Petroleum seems no more concerned for the safety of its employees than 19th century Big Rail or Big Timber.

Abhorrent as his behavior was, did he actually ord...

2010-05-14T08:57:42.054-05:00

Abhorrent as his behavior was, did he actually order up a sixteen year old or is that what was delivered by her pimp? The way I read the story, it wasn't that he asked for a child, just a ho for the evening. Why isn't the pimp in lockdown? Or is he and that's just been ignored.
At least he didn't try to stiff her payment, or beat her to a pulp. Or if he did, no one seems to

Football is not for men anymore; it is for cretins...

2010-05-13T19:37:18.326-05:00

Football is not for men anymore; it is for cretins.

Gladiatorial shows for The People (bless them). A...

2010-05-12T20:25:26.752-05:00

Gladiatorial shows for The People (bless them). Augustine of Hippo was right.

Let's give Soviet Socialist Minnesota to Canad...

2010-05-11T20:53:37.275-05:00

Let's give Soviet Socialist Minnesota to Canada.

So, the dastardly public keeps taking them until t...

2010-05-11T18:20:41.422-05:00

So, the dastardly public keeps taking them until they are gone, eh? WTF did you put them out there for if not for people to take them? Duh. Were they waiting for the bags to accru interest? Grow up? Turn into productive taxpayers?
Jeeze Louise! Sometimes I despair.Really.

Call that critter international cuisine.

2010-05-11T09:51:26.559-05:00

Call that critter international cuisine.

In ye olden days of my childhood, three hots and a...

2010-05-10T20:43:02.292-05:00

In ye olden days of my childhood, three hots and a cot referred to the army, not prison life. I know, how could they tell the difference? Well, the prisoners didn't have weaponry or sort of cleanish clothes. And the jail food was most likely an improvment over Uncle Sam's Sh"t on a Shingle.

I can't beleive anyone would dream of deprivin...

2010-05-10T18:03:08.005-05:00

I can't beleive anyone would dream of depriving scavenger birds of their livelihood. What are you thinking??

I don't see why not & they could also pick...

2010-05-10T16:20:13.098-05:00

I don't see why not & they could also pick up the litter. Why not pay them...

A jerk in traffic may be a fine fellow in all othe...

2010-05-10T11:02:46.794-05:00

A jerk in traffic may be a fine fellow in all other ways, but at the moment he is endangering my life as well as his.

Don't go Oprah on us, Tom!

Heck YES! But really, only if a couple hundred cam...

2010-05-06T11:21:09.976-05:00

Heck YES! But really, only if a couple hundred cameras and camera phones are standing by, ready for their youtube moment of fame and glory. And just one jolt is sooo lame. Give'em a couple good, long ones to make it intersting. Ideally a few exhusbands would make excellent cannon fodder! Yah.

I would suggest batting practice.

2010-05-06T10:21:47.454-05:00

I would suggest batting practice.

Deus volt!

2010-05-05T20:35:39.179-05:00

Deus volt!

In your next excursion to Athens, Greece, check ou...

2010-05-05T14:53:15.235-05:00

In your next excursion to Athens, Greece, check out the knock- your- extraneous- parts- into the- dirt coffee served with a partially melted spoon and a cardiac monitor. And don't plan on swigging it down to the bottom of the tiny cup, that's where the grounds sit, waiting, waiting for sucker tourists to slurp down. All the locals love watching tourists eyeballs exploding.
And don&

I hope the judge will do justice and disbar the la...

2010-05-04T20:57:44.202-05:00

I hope the judge will do justice and disbar the lawyer and require the teasipper to pay for it all.

Ineptitude, thy name is New York Bomber. The only ...

2010-05-04T09:18:10.832-05:00

Ineptitude, thy name is New York Bomber. The only better outcome would have been if he had blown HIMSELF to bits in his own car on a lonely road. Alongside HIS family.And pets. And a couple dozen of his close relatives.

Just so. Do read the KORAN, everyone. Allah has ...

2010-05-03T17:52:24.014-05:00

Just so. Do read the KORAN, everyone. Allah has a plan for you, and it ain't pretty.

Even as I type (with one hand) I am cuddling my li...

2010-05-01T14:08:52.302-05:00

Even as I type (with one hand) I am cuddling my little dog. I am a sentimental fool about the pooch, and baby-talk to her when no one's listening. But in the end, she's a dog, not a human, and when I must someday, in tears, bury her, I will do so myself. Her memorial will be in my heart and in my happy, happy memories.