Thank God for Craig Biggio. And Frank Thomas. And Tom Glavine. And Pedro Martinez.
Each one of these baseball players either reached a major milestone this year or will soon.
For Biggio, it was hit No. 3,000.
For The Big Hurt (I always wondered how he got that nickname, though it fits him) it was home run No. 500. (Hammered, ironically, the same day Biggio broke his barrier.)
Glavine is three wins shy of 300. (He probably will be the last Major Leaguer to reach that plateau now that pitchers start every fifth day instead of every fourth.)
Pedro needs two K’s to get 3,000 strikeouts. (I wish he’d stayed with the Red Sox. But it’s hard to be satisfied with big bucks when you can get bigger bucks.)
So why am I thankful for these guys?
It’s simple: In a small way, they take the sting out of the coming nightmare — Barry Bonds’ 756th home run.
Barry is everything that pro sports — heck, life in general — doesn’t need.
He is surly and crude. He is filthy rich and tries to portray himself as a victim. And of course he is a steroid-swallowin’ juice-shootin’ cheater.
Worst of all, he will go down in history as the greatest home run hitter ever.
That stinks.
At least this year saw other milestones in baseball — by good guys like the ones mentioned above.
They are four different ballplayers. Yet each is the anti-Barry, and I’m grateful they got a share of the spotlight this year.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Craig, yes. Barry, no.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Border control, Florida-style
The sheriff in Bay County, Fla., has found a simple but effective way to capture illegal aliens.
Five or six patrol cars quickly pull up to a construction site … and wait.
Invariably, several illegal aliens run away. The deputies then chase down the runners, arresting them if they do things like trespass or drive away recklessly. Aliens who are in this country illegally are then referred to immigration authorities.
“It’s not wrong for them to run, but it’s not wrong for us to chase them either,” said Sheriff Frank McKeithen.
In Florida, as in most places, it is illegal to knowingly hire illegal immigrants. In Florida, as in most places, illegal immigrants are often knowingly hired.
Sheriff McKeithen’s Panhandle county is undergoing a building boom. Developers are tearing down cheap spring-break motels and replacing them with fancy condos.
Lots of illegals are doing the work. Or were doing the work.
One illegal immigrant, Jose Madrid, told the Associated Press, “We immigrants, we are leaving Panama City. … The companies don’t want to hire illegal people. Now they’re only hiring those with papers.”
Uh, isn’t that the idea?
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Occupational hazard
I really don’t have Charles Bronson/Death Wish fantasies about capping bad guys.
Bad guys shouldn’t be executed for "routine crimes" like stealing cars. They should go to prison for a bunch of years and learn a trade and straighten up.
If they kill someone, however, in your basic first-degree-premeditated manner, they should indeed take the Big Sleep — and not 15 years later.
Which brings us to the brief we had on page 7A today about a Port Arthur stickup -- make that attempted stickup. The lead graph says it all: “A robbery suspect was in critical condition … after a convenience store employee shot the man numerous times. … ”
Folks, the part about “shot the man numerous times” got my attention.
I would hate to be a convenience store clerk. I think your odds of getting robbed and/or killed during that robbery are uncomfortably high.
It ought to be the other way around. Punks who go around robbing people should fear for their health.
To be blunt about it, if more of them were “shot numerous times” while trying to pull armed robberies, we’d probably wouldn't have so many armed robberies.
Again, I’m no Charles Bronson-wannabe. I don’t want that robbery suspect to die. I want him to recover, serve a bunch of years (if convicted, of course), repent, live a long and joyous life, and tell lots of people that robbing convenience stores is not a good thing to do.
Because you might get “shot numerous times.”
Thursday, June 21, 2007
2DUM4WORDS
Pat and Sheena Wheaton should move from New Zealand to the United States. Then these morons could name their soon-to-be-born son “4real.” In this country, where freedom of expression expands every year, I’m pretty sure you can name your kid anything.
Of course, sticking a label like “4real” on your child would be incredibly stupid and cruel, subjecting the lad to an endless stream of taunts and questions, but that’s beside the point.
Airheads like Pat and Sheena Wheaton want to feel good about themselves, enjoy the moment, blaze new trails, blah-blah-blah, so nothing else matters — certainly not something as trivial as the dignity of a vulnerable child.
New Zealand authorities have nixed “4real,” saying that numerals cannot be part of a name. Maybe the fun couple will propose something else like “Forreal,” but I don’t think they’re that clever.
By the way, the Wheatons want to stick that tag on their boy after they had an ultrasound and were dumbfounded (literally) by the, like, totally cool and awesome thing that was about to, like, happen.
Sheeesh. I feel sorry for the kid already. Since the Wheatons are feeling so creative, they should change their first names too.
How about something catchy that rhymes, like “Brain Dead” and “Bone Head”?
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Kobe's crisis
Poor Kobe Bryant. He keeps throwing temper tantrums and acting like a world-class jerk, but the Los Angeles Lakers refuse to trade him.
If the Lakers won’t set him free, he will have to stay in that lousy town with that lousy team for four more years. In exchange for all that misery, all he gets is $88.6 million.
Is there no justice?
Seems that Kobe is chapped that the Lakers don’t surround him with top-notch talent so he — I mean, the team — can win a world championship.
Apparently the Kobatollah has forgotten that he was matched up with none other than the great Shaquille O’Neal for several years in L.A., and the Lakers did quite well.
But Kobe’s giant ego couldn’t stand anyone edging into his spotlight, so Shaq was shipped to South Florida.
Now Kobe wants another superstar sidekick — but a dull one so he can still be The Guy.
Poor Kobe. He pouts and postures, and coaches and owners keep stroking him and asking him to please, please play nice, but the drama drags on.
I think lots of ordinary fans, who make in a year or two what Kobe makes in a day, could tell Kobe where he should go.
But he probably wouldn’t like to hear their suggestion, and it would probably make him even more upset, so they probably shouldn’t do that.
Poor, poor Kobe.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Flight of fancy
I have no problem with capitalism or rich people. All things being equal, I wouldn’t mind being rich some day.
But there are limits, and some extremely wealthy person just reached them. He or she would be the still-anonymous tycoon who has ordered the mother of all private jets — an Airbus A380, the world’s largest airliner.
That’s right, folks. An A380, a double-decker super-jumbo jet capable of carrying a staggering total of 840 passengers.
Airbus has confirmed that it has taken an order for an A380 that will be modified for the customer’s personal use. The plane itself costs $300 million, and the customization is expected to add another $50 million to $100 million.
I don’t know how much it costs to keep a flight crew, ground crew and other support staff on hand for this toy, but I’m guessing it’s not cheap. However, if you’re dropping up to $400 mil just for the plane, a pilot’s salary is just spare change.
An Airbus official said that the owner is not from Europe or the United States, which I suspect means the mogul in question lives in the Middle East or Asia. The plane will be tricked up for the customer’s “personal use and his entourage.”
This sets a new definition of wretched excess. But it’s almost to be expected, since aviation experts say there are already about 20 Boeing 747s being used as private jets.
Who wants another 747 when you can fly in something almost twice as big? And when you are mega-rich, apparently size does matter.
I hate to sound like a Commie, but can you image how many starving people could be fed with all the money being tossed around here? Yikes … and yuck.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Fatherhood
George Bush and Barack Obama don’t have a lot in common. One is a conservative Republican, the other a liberal Democrat.
But they agree on one thing: Fatherhood is important.
One of these men said this week:
“Fathers instill in their children an understanding of right and wrong and help them to grow in confidence and character. These dedicated men strive to give their sons and daughters the necessary foundation to make good choices and lead lives of purpose.”
The other said:
“Let’s admit to ourselves that there are a lot of men out there that need to stop acting like boys; who need to realize that responsibility does not end at conception; who need to know that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise a child.”
Does it matter which man uttered which quote?
No it does not. What is important is the sentiments that both expressed.
I have four kids. After my faith, the most important thing in my life is to be a good father to them and a good husband to my wife.
Some kids don’t have fathers in their lives. That’s a shame. Kids don’t have to have an active father to grow up strong and smart, but it helps -- immensely.
If you’re a man with kids, don’t ever shortchange them. If your dad still with you, cherish him. One day, sooner than you think, he will be gone.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Say it ain't so, Robert
I shouldn’t feel sorry for Robert Joseph, but I do.
A week ago, the graduate of Memorial High School in Port Arthur seemed to have it all. He was on one of the best college football teams in the nation — the mighty UT Longhorns.
He played seven games last year before being sidelined with a shoulder injury for the final six. But he had healed and was expected to compete for a starting job this fall.
Not bad for a 19-year-old kid. Until he blew it with a really boneheaded move.
On June 9 he was arrested in Austin for car burglary. A security guard found him in a vehicle he didn’t own at a downtown Austin hotel.
First he was suspended from the team. Two days later, he announced that he would transfer from UT and look for another place to “get a fresh start.”
"We appreciate everything that Robert contributed to our football program," head coach Mack Brown said in The Houston Chronicle. "We wish him the very best in football and in life."
Nice thoughts, Mack. You were too polite to say what everybody else was thinking: “Uh, Robert, how could you be so dumb?”
The disciplinarian in me says Joseph deserves what he gets. The humanitarian in me remembers what it was like to be 19.
I don’t know about you, but when I was a teenager, what I knew about life could be summed up in two words: not much.
A bunch of years later, I know this: Life is a series of choices … and chances. You might get only one chance for that special job or soul-mate or trip overseas. If you bungle it, you might spend the rest of your life wondering. “What if … ?”
I really hope that Joseph can rebound from this, play some good DB again and get into the NFL, his dream. But this mess sure doesn’t make that goal any easier.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Taking the Paris Challenge
The celebrity world was rocked by Paris Hilton’s declaration this week that she would no longer “act dumb.”
From Hollywood to Times Square and back, the rich and famous hadn’t been this surprised since the success of “Shrek 3.” In fact, many of the Beautiful People were motivated to make their own inspiring and surprising pledges:
Barbara Walters: “I am no longer going to act as if I liked Rosie O’Donnell. Let’s face it folks, when it came to being obnoxious, she was large and in charge.”
Barry Bonds: “I am no longer going to pretend that I didn’t do steroids. For the past five years, I’ve been juiced like an orange grove in Florida!”
Nancy Grace: “I am no longer going to treat every little tragedy in some Godforsaken small town seem like a national crisis, complete with hourly updates on the missing person and somber accounts from their friends/families about what he/she was like. From now on, I’m going to be a responsible journalist!”
Kobe Bryant: “I am no longer going to force myself to say that I care about any other player or coach with the Lakers. Your suspicions were right, fans: It IS all about me.”
Geraldo Rivera: “I am no longer going to masquerade as a serious reporter. I’m the king of fluff and scandal, and I love it! Next up: Inside the secret relationship between Beth Holloway and John Ramsey.”
EDITOR’S NOTE: Soon after these statements were issued, the publicists for each of the celebs released the following “clarification,” which read in its entirety: “Naaaah, just kidding!”
Friday, June 08, 2007
Get the lead out
So how much longer will Bullet Brain be allowed to game the system?
I refer of course to Joshua Adams of Groves, who is carrying around a slug in his forehead.
Bush claims, with a straight face, presumably, that the lead got there when a friend accidentally shot him. No, he won’t name this mythical friend.
Port Arthur police believe, with some justification, that the bullet arrived in Bush’s skull when it was fired by a man trying to break up the burglary of his car lot last year. They want a ballistics test to prove the point.
Adams doesn’t want the slugectomy. I think I know why. I think there’s a real strong possibility that the ballistics test will prove that the bullet came from the gun fired by the car lot owner. Then Bush could be charged with that crime.
The first attempt to pull the projectile was stopped because bone had started growing around it. Then a hospital backed out of another plan to bag the bullet because it was afraid of — this is really irritating — getting sued.
Then Bush started laying out all kinds of conditions before he would agree to the surgery — hoping, one suspects, that police would give up. After a deal was finally struck, Bush backed out anyway.
Gee, I wonder why?
In the end, none of this may matter. Bush faces so many other charges, including a new one for threatening a witness with a gun, that he may wind up behind bars for a long time anyway.
All of this would be funny if it weren’t so serious.
People accused of crimes should not get to call the shots like this. Yes, the Fourth Amendment does prohibit unfair searches and seizures, and that protection is important.
But does that mean that a kidnapper can refuse to let the cops enter his house because they will find the victim?
Of course not. And neither should Bullet Brain be able to manipulate a system that is trying to determine if he is a dangerous felon.
Let the doctors do their thing, and then let prosecutors do theirs.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Bloomberg's blowoff
I don’t know about you, but I was a little nervous over the report last week that domestic terrorists were planning to blow up JFK airport in New York and anyone in or around it.
Hey, this came less than a month after a similar plot to attack soldiers in Fort Dix, N.J., was uncovered.
The scary part about both plots is that the jihadis were home-grown. We’re talking immigrants who have lived and worked among us for years. Instead of seeing us as jes’ plain folks, they saw us as Great Satans who needed to be sent to the next world, ready or not.
Thank God they were caught in time. And thank God both groups of plotters were a little stupid.
The Fort Dix Six were uncovered when they brought a VHS tape of their threats to a Circuit City store and wanted it converted to a DVD.
One of the JFK plotters thought that their newest member “had been sent by Allah to be the one” to pull off the attack. Actually, doofuss, the chosen one was an informant.
Anyhow, you might think that the mayor of New York would be a little concerned about the plot too. After all, the first World Trade Center bombings and 9-11 horrors occurred in the Big Apple. To New Yorkers, there is nothing abstract about terrorism.
To my surprise, Mayor Michael Bloomberg said the latest plot … was no big deal.
"There are lots of threats to you in the world,” he told WCBSTV. “ …You can’t sit there and worry about everything. Get a life. … You have a much greater danger of being hit by lightning than being struck by a terrorist."
Gee whiz, Mr. Mayor! I suppose the lightning/terrorist things is mathematically valid, but these guys weren’t planning a college prank.
Authorities say they were scheming to bomb a fuel pipeline feeding the airport and set off an inferno. One of the plotters worked at JFK in the cargo section and knew the layout. The group also made several surveillance trips around the airport — each recorded on audio and video.
You don’t have to watch too many episodes of “24” to be worried about something like that. Yet the very mayor of New York reacts like a bored cabbie hearing that the Yankees lost and shrugs, “Fugedaboudit.” Wow!
I hope our luck holds. I also hope the mayor of the next city that is targeted isn’t so naïve.
Friday, June 01, 2007
28 times?
The days when we laughed at drunk drivers are long gone. Tragedies like the death of Beaumont police officer Lisa Beaulieu — and a thousand others — have driven home a fact as hard and unyielding as a tombstone:
Drunk driving is a terrible menace. Drunk drivers must get real punishment from our courts. They must not get wrist-slaps that basically encourage them to do it again.
So what do we make of Joseph Brill of Albuquerque, N.M.? This loser was in court again for drunk driving on Tuesday. It was not his first offense on this charge. It was his 28th.
That’s not a misprint. Not counting his latest run-in, he has 27 previous DWI charges.
Fourteen have resulted in convictions. I would guess that many of the rest were plea-bargained down to something like public intoxication … but should have gone in the books as a DWI.
How can that happen? How can any state be so incredibly lax about public safety?
This time, a state judge set Brill’s bail at $100,000.
"The probabilities are if you get behind the wheel, you’re going to hurt or kill somebody," the judge was quoted by the Associated Press.
Right on, judge. The 27 other judges who handled this clown’s cases should have done the same.
Brill’s attorney said he has not caused any accidents. If so, that’s a miracle. He’s also a ticking time bomb who is going to break hearts if he isn’t put behind bars.
I have a solution for repeat DWI convictions. About the third one, the law should require a minimum sentence of three years in jail. Three full years — no parole or time off for good behavior.
For a fourth DWI, a minimum sentence of four years. Five years for a fifth, and so on up the ladder.
That formula would do something that a lot of other laws have failed to do. It would get drunk drivers off our roads — no ifs, ands or buts … or funerals for innocent victims of somebody like Joseph Brill.
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