Taking the Paris Challenge

The celebrity world was rocked by Paris Hilton’s declaration this week that she would no longer “act dumb.”

From Hollywood to Times Square and back, the rich and famous hadn’t been this surprised since the success of “Shrek 3.” In fact, many of the Beautiful People were motivated to make their own inspiring and surprising pledges:

Barbara Walters: “I am no longer going to act as if I liked Rosie O’Donnell. Let’s face it folks, when it came to being obnoxious, she was large and in charge.”

Barry Bonds: “I am no longer going to pretend that I didn’t do steroids. For the past five years, I’ve been juiced like an orange grove in Florida!”

Nancy Grace: “I am no longer going to treat every little tragedy in some Godforsaken small town seem like a national crisis, complete with hourly updates on the missing person and somber accounts from their friends/families about what he/she was like. From now on, I’m going to be a responsible journalist!”

Kobe Bryant: “I am no longer going to force myself to say that I care about any other player or coach with the Lakers. Your suspicions were right, fans: It IS all about me.”

Geraldo Rivera: “I am no longer going to masquerade as a serious reporter. I’m the king of fluff and scandal, and I love it! Next up: Inside the secret relationship between Beth Holloway and John Ramsey.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: Soon after these statements were issued, the publicists for each of the celebs released the following “clarification,” which read in its entirety: “Naaaah, just kidding!”