2DUM4WORDS

Pat and Sheena Wheaton should move from New Zealand to the United States. Then these morons could name their soon-to-be-born son “4real.” In this country, where freedom of expression expands every year, I’m pretty sure you can name your kid anything.

Of course, sticking a label like “4real” on your child would be incredibly stupid and cruel, subjecting the lad to an endless stream of taunts and questions, but that’s beside the point.

Airheads like Pat and Sheena Wheaton want to feel good about themselves, enjoy the moment, blaze new trails, blah-blah-blah, so nothing else matters — certainly not something as trivial as the dignity of a vulnerable child.

New Zealand authorities have nixed “4real,” saying that numerals cannot be part of a name. Maybe the fun couple will propose something else like “Forreal,” but I don’t think they’re that clever.

By the way, the Wheatons want to stick that tag on their boy after they had an ultrasound and were dumbfounded (literally) by the, like, totally cool and awesome thing that was about to, like, happen.

Sheeesh. I feel sorry for the kid already. Since the Wheatons are feeling so creative, they should change their first names too.

How about something catchy that rhymes, like “Brain Dead” and “Bone Head”?