Put down the chewing gum and slowly step away

Thank God a few people still have standards in this crazy mixed-up world.

I refer, of course, to the courageous city-state of Singapore and its principled decision to continue its ban on chewing gum.

As I told the rest of the old farts at the club, “Here, here! … A round of gin and tonics for all the chaps!”

Good Lord; if you allow chewing gum you open the door to whistling and humming. By then you might as well jump into bed with Satan.

No such slacking in Singapore. And if they catch you with something in your mouth that isn’t food (please, no snarky comments) you might get a good caning like that American punk did a few years back.

The thing is, if you let people just pop a stick of chewing gum into their jaws any time they want, they’ll get other uppity ideas too.

Best to nip it in the bud from the get-go and remind everyone who’s large and in charge.

And if they don’t like it? Well, they can go to North Korea, which is exactly like Singapore except that the people are poor and starving.

Chewing gum; the very idea!