Gee, AIG

Top 10 excuses by AIG executives to defend their $165 million in bonuses after taking billions in federal bailout money:

10) Hey, why not? All the other CEOs are cashing in.

9) Have you priced a Rolls lately or a skiing trip to Gstaad? Those things ain’t cheap, buddy.

8) Because we want to accumulate a vast pool of wealth to create a foundation to help needy people across the globe after we retire.

7) The poor and desperate are inspired when they see us flaunting our wealth. No, really, they are!

6) By remaining in high tax bracket, we provide employment for many chauffeurs, personal chefs, dog walkers, etc.

5) Gee, whiz. The latest bailout was $787 billion. Our take is a teensy fraction of that.

4) Because AIG really stands for Always Instigate Greed.

3) Hell, do we need an excuse?

2) The bonuses give us an incentive to remain in our jobs and keep raking in the big bucks. Hey, stop laughing, I was serious!

1) Because we are secretly amoral pigs who don’t care about other people. (OK, it wasn’t much of a secret.)