Dreary drunk drivers

What’s the matter with drunk drivers these days? Haven’t they read the book, “You know you’re too drunk to drive when … ”

Obviously, lots of drunk drivers have missed this important reference work in their self-education.

Like the guy in Largo, Fla., who tried to drive home in a car with only three tires.

Not surprisingly, the AP reported, “the man displayed uneven balance and had bloodshot eyes. A Breathalyzer test he took registered a 0.2 blood alcohol level.”

Duh!

So for all the lushes out there who don’t know when to ask for a designated driver, here are some more tips to help you figure out when you’re too drunk to drive:

-- When the night light you’re trying to turn off is a state trooper’s flashlight.

-- When you see a sign reading “Welcome to California” and you live in another time zone.

-- When you wonder why you can’t get the top down on your convertible … and realize you’re on a motorcycle.

… Puh-lease! Don’t drink ’n’ drive!

If you’re gonna anyway, at least have the decency to wrap your car around the first telephone pole you see so the rest of us don’t have to deal with you.