Dreary drunk drivers (deuce)

Once again, we are motivated — no, make that compelled! — to blog on the subject of dreary drunk drivers.

Yesterday’s masterpiece mentioned a moron who tried to drive home in a car with only 3 tires. (Hint to all drunks: That’s one shy of a full load.)

Today the world was stunned to learn that a drunk driver in Easton, Pa., defended his little misadventure … because he’s a separate country.

Not IN a separate country. Scott Witmer is claiming that the state has no legal jurisdiction over him because he has sovereign status.

“I live inside myself, not in Pennsylvania,” he claimed (between hiccups).

Scottie, Scottie: First, lay off the vodka before 9 a.m. Second, you can’t be your own country because, well, you’re a person, not a country.

However, if there was a country called Drunkovia …

-- St. Patrick’s Day would be a national holiday whether you were Irish or not.

-- The attorney general would be called the National Bail Bondsman.

-- The Department of Tourism would be devoted to pub crawls.

-- The New Year’s Eve holiday would start at midnight on Dec. 25.

-- The Official National Drink would be … anything you could get your hands on!