Take the money and run

Once again we return to a common theme of this blog:

Robbers or robbery victims who just can’t seem to get it right.

Previously, we have discussed robbers who are too lazy to get out of their cars in the drive-through lane — and use a knife! Or young robbers who get beat up by old victims.

The latest affront to Robbery Etiquette comes from Waterloo, Iowa. A crazy-looking man stumbled into a convenience store and started rambling as he held his hand in his pocket.

The jumpy clerks, having been knocked off twice in recent months, didn’t fool around. They knew it was another heist, so they started giving cash to the thug. In fact, they threw a bag of money at him.

One small problem. It wasn’t a robbery. The friendly neighborhood creep was just another drunk.

To prove it, he didn’t take the money and run. He just walked out, whereupon he was promptly arrested for “public intoxication, disorderly conduct and interference.”

I didn’t know that interference was a crime in Iowa. I know it’s a defensive foul in football that causes a first down, but a crime, no.

At any rate, this whole sordid mess just reinforces a lingering problem we have in this country these days: We can’t even have a proper robbery without one party or the other goofing up. What happened to the good ol’ days, when stickup men were men and frightened clerks were glad of it?

... I just hope Osama bin Laden isn’t watching.