Comrades not welcome at glorious people’s parade

The Red Chinese held a big ol’ parade on Thursday through the heart of Beijing. It was the 60th anniversary of the founding of their glorious people’s republic.

But there was a curious thing about the huge spectacle; no spectators were allowed.

That’s right, proletarian breath. As the AP said, “Most people in the capital could only watch the elaborate ceremony for the founding of the People’s Republic unfold on national television, as tight security excluded ordinary people from getting near the parade route through Tiananmen Square.”

Now whether you’re in Buna or Beaumont, you’re probably thinking, “What the heck is wrong with them darned Chinese? What good is a parade without parade-watchers?”

Well, my friend, the answer is that the one thing the commissars fear most in the people’s republic … is the people!

The Chi-Coms know full well that if they let average citizens assemble and speak out, they could have a nasty replay of the Tiananmen Square protests of 1989, when the ungrateful people started clamoring for freedom, democracy and other dangerous Western notions.

Even though the Chinese government is relatively loosey-goosey for your average commie dictatorship, it doesn’t want the people getting a bunch of uppity ideas. Public gatherings are tightly monitored and few organizations are allowed to exist outside the loving embrace of the Big Red Machine.

Hence the non-crowd at the big parade. I guess it's what you'd call a Communist party.

… On the bright side, if you were one of the few carefully screened guests allowed curbside, you probably got a whole bunch of candy from the nice lady throwing handfuls of it from the Tribute to Collective Farming float.