Oh, no, not Paula Abdul!

As if things aren’t bad enough — the war on terror, the recession, the designated hitter rule — now we have this hanging over our heads:

Paula Abdul may leave American Idol!

I am not kidding. In fact, you couldn't kid about something like that. It’s unkidable.

The problem, as usual in Tinsletown, is money. Paula wants about $20 million to return, and those skinflint producers might not cough it up.

Paula is also ticked off that Ryan Seacrest got something like $45 million over 3 years to keep doing whatever it is he does. That is a lot of money, but then again, he is the master at whatever he does.

All we can do is hope and pray that this nightmare will be averted and Paula will return to Idol.

Without her, the show just wouldn’t be the same.

Where else could we get our hilarious fix of loopy comments, mangled logic and chemical-induced mood swings? Who would Simon focus his disgust on without good ol’ dependable Paula? What would happen if a male contestant who got rejected needed a shoulder to cry on … or a bed to sleep in?

Please, Paula. Swallow your pride, take $5 million or so and come back. America needs you.