Mental/dental

So what is it with wacky dentists in Florida?

We've had two in two days. That, my friends, is a trend.

On Tuesday we learned about a dentist in Winter Park, Fla., who had an unfortunate habit of dropping tools down the throats of patients.

Then on Wednesday we read about a dentist in Naples, Fla., who set up shop in a converted garage with a drill set and recliner.

Good lord, are folks in Florida desperate for dentistry … or dense?

I can’t wait around to find out. I might have to read about more Floridians who made ghastly dental mistakes.

To forestall that possibility, here are some tips that all dental customers in Florida should keep in mind when shopping for a mouth man:

-- Is the office in a bad neighborhood with a sign on the door reading, “Cash register does not contain more than $50.”

-- Does the secretary ask you, “Will that be cash, check or barter?”

-- Is the dentist also practicing another trade, such as “Dentistry and Lawn Service”?

-- Does the dentist’s diploma on the wall contain the words “not accredited”?

-- Is there a sign in the waiting room that says, “Anesthesia is for sissies”?

If you run into any of these, do a Michael Jackson and "beat it."

And if your tooth is really hurting, tie a string around it and attach the other end to a doorknob.

… Hey, it worked for grandpa.