Toilet troubles

Look, I know there’s a global environmental crisis and all that, but do we really have to give up … flush toilets?

That’s exactly what one expert, Jack Sims, said at the World Toilet Summit in Macau on World Toilet Day.

(Don't worry. I won’t ask how you become a toilet expert, or what you do at a Toilet Summit, or even how to "celebrate" World Toilet Day.)

Sims believes flush toilets consume too much fresh water that folks could use for drinking or crop irrigation (but not at the same time).

“This ‘flush and forget’ attitude creates a new problem which we have to revisit,” Sims said sagely.

Crap, I say! This is getting serious. Some “experts” in Australia have even called for a “toilet tax” based on how many times you flush.

A professor at Adelaide University said, “Some people may go as far as not flushing their toilet as often, as the less sewage you produce the less the rate you pay.”

Wow; wouldn’t that be great.

Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t want to bid good-bye to flush toilets.

I don’t want to live in a world where a question about where the restroom is located is answered by someone pointing outside and saying, “Third tree on the left.”

I don’t want to go to bed at night wondering where I will go if I get up to go.

I don’t want to go natural when Nature calls.

… Give me porcelain, or give me death!