Pirates

Texas Tech coach Mike Leach has been getting a lot of attention lately for his fascination with pirates — and because his football team could be closing out one of the greatest college seasons in years.

I’m a Texas fan, but you have to admire small schools like Boise State that take on the football factories of the NCAA. Kudos to Leach and Tech on that point.

I’m not so keen on pirates. Most were smelly, drunken murderers and rapists, not like the Johnny Depp caricature in recent films.

And though not everyone knows it, pirates still roam the Seven Seas. Or at least parts of the African coast by Somalia. They regularly hijack merchant ships and offer to return the cargo and crew for a hefty donation, which most shipping companies quickly pay.

But not everyone in the Pirate Community is smart. One gang recently got into a firefight with two British navy ships packed with seasoned commandos and lotsa high-tech weaponry.

After a brief but deadly gun battle — for the pirates, that is — the bad guys had reconsidered their hasty decision.

As the London Times Online put it, "By the time the Royal Marines boarded the pirates’ vessel, the enemy had lost the will to fight and surrendered quietly. The Royal Navy described the boarding as 'compliant'."

I think we’ve all learned a lesson here.

First, if you’re growing up in Somalia, or just about anywhere, pick a nice trade like plumbing or dentistry. Don’t pursue pirating.

Second, if you do become a pirate anyway, don’t get into a shootout with a group of highly trained professional soldiers who have, oh, I’d say about 100 times the firepower that you do.

If you do, you won’t live to enjoy the Pirate Retirement Plan.