Jon & Kate, Get It Straight

If you’re like some people, you can’t get enough of “John & Kate Plus 8.” You plan your day around the show. You worry endlessly over the ups and downs of this fascinating TV family.

Or maybe you have a life.

I will admit to occasionally pausing on J&K+8 while channel-grazing. But the reality behind the show is a lot more interesting than the reality show.

As most of the civilized world knows by now, Jon and Kate are getting a divorce. This would seem to put the kibosh on their little venture, but apparently the lure of money — I mean their love of family — will overcome this hurdle.

The game plan is to shuttle Jon or Kate into their Pennsylvania house for video snippets with the kiddos.

“We interview separately, we film different things,” Jon explained patiently. “Me and kids, her and the kids.”

To millions of normal people, this tag-team setup could seem a little, well, phony.

Then again, another report says Jon & Kate have been living apart for two years.

Um, that’s a long time to pretend that everything is spiffy.

I mean, I hate to split hairs, but the show’s title is “John and Kate … ” Maybe it depends on your definition of “and.” Or maybe “Jon Occasionally With Kate … ” is too wordy.

To get even weirder, if that’s possible, Jon’s girlfriend may join the show next season. So if you’re flipping through your TV Guide, you might want to look for “John & Kate Plus 8 Plus Deanna Hummel.”

That’s the gal’s name. Or if Kate has any say about the new title, it could be “John & Kate Plus 8 Plus That Homewrecker Slut.”

If the producers really want to boost the ratings, they’ll have Kate and Deanna get into a good ol’ fashioned catfight while Jon watches passively from the side and the kids scream, “Mommy, Daddy, what’s going on?”

Even I might watch all of that episode.