Monday Night Lights

In an effort to reach the handful of Americans who have not been overwhelmed with pleas to vote for McCain or Obama, the candidates are getting serious.

Both are appearing on halftime of “Monday Night Football” with ESPN’s Chris Berman.

Is this a great country or what? Are you ready for some politickin’?

The segments will be taped earlier and played at halftime. Due to my deep contacts in the news media, I have obtained an advance snippet of each interview:

CHRIS BERMAN: So, Sen. McCain, what do you think we’ll see in the second half? Is it time to throw the bomb?

JOHN McCAIN: Yes it is Chris. As the Beach Boys used to sing, “Bomb, bomb, bomb — bomb, bomb, Iran.” … Hey, I’m just joking, Chris. I wouldn’t light up Teheran … unless I had a good reason.

***************

CHRIS BERMAN: Well, Sen. Obama, it’s been quite a game so far. You look like an athletic guy; did you ever want to play football?

BARACK OBAMA: Yes, Chris, I wanted to be a strong safety. … And speaking of that, I want to provide a strong safety net for the millions of Americans who have gotten the shaft from greedy CEOs on Wall Street …

…

I think it’s time to punt.