Sorry doctors

A new movement in health care urges doctors to apologize for mistakes instead of the old “deny and defend” method.

The theory is that if doctors or hospitals offer sincere apologies and “fair compensation,” the aggrieved party might forget about that nasty lawsuit.

That’s a good idea.

In the newspaper business, we also try to admit mistakes forthrightly if we get a fact wrong (“George Washington was the third president of the United States”) or throw somebody’s newspaper in the only puddle in their driveway (hey, don’t laugh, that’s been known to happen).

In fact, my experience in this field has motivated me to throw out a few generic apologies that doctors could use in the future, free of charge:

1) "Pat, remember when I told you last month that you had a terminal illness and would be dead soon? I understand you quit your job and gave away all your money. Well, I took a second look at the lab results, and let’s just say you now have time for a second career!"

2) "The good news is that yesterday’s amputation of your leg went well. The bad news … is we hacked off the wrong one! Don’t worry, we’ll go back and get that other sucker. … Is my face red or what!"

3) "Chris, three weeks ago we notified your spouse that you had syphilis, probably from a sleazy affair. Good news! Tell your divorce attorney that we got you mixed up with someone who has the same last name! … What are the odds!"

Hey, I’m just trying to do my part to hold down health care costs.