Crazy ants!

Let’s see if I have this right:

Gas, food and inflation are in a friendly competition to see which one get soar higher.

Iran is about to get nuclear bombs. “Speed Racer” is at the movies.

Could life possibly get worse?

Well, if you live near Houston, like we do … yes it can!

You see, a new foreign species of pest is about to overrun us. I am talking about “crazy rasberry ants.”

These little darlings wander around crazily — hence the nickname — instead of marching in orderly lines like other ants.

They like to bite people — naturally! And they like to gnaw on electrical equipment too! Great! And they are resistant to commercial ant-killers! Double-great!

Their colonies have multiple queens, so you can’t just kill one of ’em and get the rest. And if you do manage to kill a few, the Associated Press says, “They pile up the dead, sometimes using them as a bridge to cross safely over surfaces treated with pesticide.” Aaaggghhh!

“(They are) like lava flowing and filling an entire area, getting bigger and bigger,” said Ron Harrison of Orkin. Whoopee!

There is one tiny ray of hope in this doomsday scenario: They like to eat fire ants.

If we can figure out a way to pit them against each other, we might have a chance.

If not, well, your last moments will probably be a futile struggle against thousands of them as they drag you down to their subterranean lair while you scream and thrash helplessly, begging for mercy that will not come.

Sweet dreams.