Fear of flying

I have seen the future, and it’s expensive.

Travelers are still reeling over this week’s bombshell from American Airlines.

From now, if you want to check a piece of luggage … it’ll cost you $15.

That’s right, road warriors. If you ain’t carryin’ it onboard, you’re payin’ for the privilege of stashing it in cargo.

No word yet as to how the other airlines will react, but I predict they will eagerly jump on the "no free lunch" bandwagon.

In fact, here are some other new airline fees that are being kicked around in corporate boardrooms as you read this:

-- Not having to watch in-flight movies starring Rob Schneider, $5.

-- Using the grope-free line for the pre-boarding security check, $10.

-- Being told what city you’re being diverted to if the plane has to land suddenly due to mechanical problems, $15.

-- Not having to sit between a fat man and a lady with a crying baby, $25.

-- 10 minutes of oxygen if the cabin is depressurized, $50. (That one’s not too bad, considering the alternative.)

-- Getting a pilot who didn’t get his license from a correspondence course, $75.

-- A promise that the flight attendant won’t use you as a human shield in the event of hijacking, $100.

Pretty grim, huh?

At least it won’t come to pay toilets onboard. Federal laws prevent that.

On the other hand, the FAA never said they couldn’t charge for toilet paper. By the sheet.

Happy flying.