U.S. needs tax breaks for mustaches and …

Why the hell not? Why shouldn’t American men who grow mustaches get a tax break?

That’s what the American Mustache Institute is advocating, and I say it’s about damn time.

Almost every other interest group gets a goodie from Uncle Sam.

We need to correct this lingering problem in our society – if the words “fairness” and “equality” carved beneath the Statue of Liberty mean anything. (Uh, they are carved there, aren’t they?)

With a ’stache subsidy, more men would look like Burt Reynolds in “Smokey and the Bandit.” We’d be able to stay outside longer in colder weather. We’d give a real boost to the long-suffering scissors/trimmer industry.

And let’s not stop there. I propose additional tax subsidies for people who:

-- Don’t have “Eat More Beans; America Needs The Gas” bumperstickers.

-- Always leave nice tips, even if the service was so-so.

-- Don’t have T-shirts reading, “I went to (fill in the blank) and all I got was this lousy shirt."

-- Never say, “Jeez, is it hot/cold enough for ya?”

-- Faithfully stop at yellow lights and use their blinkers.

-- Don’t have mullet haircuts.

-- Have signs on their property reading, “No trespassing. Violators – I mean survivors – will be prosecuted.”

The list is endless. You, dear reader, might even have a few more categories of people who deserve a break today from the guv’ment.