Bike bandit hoax!

Finally, some good news in the world of crime.

Turns out that a bicycling bandit didn’t take down that Dollar General store in Port Neches last month.

The manager of said establishment has been arrested filing a false police report about that bizarre incident to cover up her own theft of the store’s profits.

I, for one, am relieved. I don’t want to live in a place where robbers rides bicycles … and target humble shops like Dollar General!

That is too embarrassing. It’s like we can even produce decent crooks or don’t even have any banks worth robbing.

What’s next, breaking into a thrift shop at night to get first crack at the new load of hand-me-downs?

One thing puzzles me, however: Why would the Dollar General manager say that some dude rode up on a bike, stuck a gun in her face and wheeled away with two bags of cash?

A weird story like that is going to attract a lot of attention. If you’re doing something illegal – like, say, embezzling from your own store – you kind of want to lay low while you’re doing the deed.

I think we’ve all learned a lesson here: When you’re making up excuses, whether for robbing a store or forgetting to do your homework, put a little effort into it.

Take a few minutes and try to come up with a good story.

It’s still wrong, but at least it’s the right kind of wrong.