Real men don’t wear “mirdles”

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, along comes news of “male girdles.”

Or “mirdles” as they are called.

Sad but true. An Australian company is marketing the darned things, which is appropriate because this turns traditional ideals of manhood upside down.

They’re pitching it to businessmen who want to look trim without actually exercising or passing on that second piece of pie.

A spokesman even said, "We are focusing mainly on metropolitan and urban areas where people are under the most pressure and stress."

Huh? Don’t pressure and stress cause you to lose weight?

All I know is that if Grandpa had to storm Normandy Beach in a “mirdle,” he probably would have developed severe chafing about halfway up and Germany would be the most powerful nation in Europe.

OK, it is anyway, but you get my point.

Look, dammit, real men don’t wear mirdles.

Either they take up rigorous exercise (golf and fantasy football don’t count) or they bite the bullet and accept that first heart attack at 52.

“Mirdles.” Hmmpphh.

You can wear a “mirdle,” but only if your name is “Myrtle.”