More animal layoffs!

It’s happened again! This darned recession is getting so bad that more animals are being laid off from their jobs! First it was a bunch of critters in the Bronx Zoo; now it’s a drug-sniffing police dog in Snohomish, Wash.


The City Council will decide tonight, but it doesn’t look good for Dixie, a 7-year-old shepherd-collie mix.

(By the way, the official civic motto of Snohomish is, “Our name is hard to pronounce, but our streets are easy to navigate.”)

In fact, I have a draft copy of the letter that is going to be laid on poor Dixie unless something changes:

“Dear Dixie:

“We regret to inform you that your services will no longer be needed. As you know, times are tight, and it costs $16,000 a year to keep you in Kibbles ’N’ Bits and chew toys. Frankly, you are expendable.

“I know you will not be happy to learn that we are keeping our other police dog and dropping you like a stale bone. But to be honest, Dixie, you didn’t help your case.

“Need I mention the time you dry-humped the mayor’s leg? And the time you were trying to give a urine specimen for a drug test and sprayed everywhere but in the cup? And the time you bit that suspect in a, uh, very sensitive part of his anatomy? Our lawyers say that one will cost us a bundle.

“On the bright side, you are eligible for 52 weeks of unemployment, and in dog years that’s even longer. Just don’t let us catch you roaming the streets of our fair city. If we do, let’s just say you’ll finally find out what happened to all those strays who went into the dog pound and never came out.”

And poor Dixie thought he was man's best friend.