And that's no bull

I’ll try anything once — except a new soft drink made from cow urine.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what a Hindu group in India plans to sell.

“It won’t be like carbonated drinks and would be devoid of any toxins,” claimed an official with the Cow Protection Department of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh, India’s oldest Hindu nationalist group.

Sorry, but I just don’t think this boat will float.

Granted, the name is kind of exotic and catchy — “gau jal.” But then you find out that it translates to “cow water” and you quickly lose your enthusiasm.

There are many reasons why a new soft drink made from cow urine will not succeed, and I’ve identified the three main ones:

1) After a brisk game of tennis or golf, an ice cold Pepsi can be refreshing. After a brisk game of tennis or golf, a bottle of cow urine would be disgusting.

2) Many alcoholic drinks can be combined with soft drinks, such as your basic rum and Coke. I don’t think anyone will ever wander into a bar and say, “Gimme some vodka, will ya? And splash in some cow urine too.”

3) Some people like to drink a Dr Pepper or Sprite with their meal. If you try to wash down your burger with a foaming glass of treated cow piss, you’re probably going to retch within seconds.

… But I could be wrong. I never thought barbecued potato chips would take off.