I vant to be alone

While the entire world was fixated on the admittedly historic inauguration of our first black president, other major news was being seriously underreported.

Like the German woman who was missing for 12 years and found to be living in the woods outside the Swiss capital of Bern.

“The 52-year-old woman,” reported the Associated Press, “appeared to be healthy after living in the simple shelter. ... ”

12 years! I don’t even think mega-survival experts like Bear Grylls or Les Stroud could hack that. In Switzerland, a warm day is when you take off the woolen mittens but keep on the parka.

This bombshell creates more questions than a Senate hearing on Wall Street corruption.

What did she eat? How did she survive the cold? How did she fight off the bears and wolves? Where did she go for vacation? … OK, if you’re living in a lean-to in the woods and foraging for grubs, a jaunt to the Caribbean is probably off the list.

The woman seemed rational, authorities say, but “she also spoke of a mission that she had to fulfill.”

What the heck could that be? Getting in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest campout?

Lady, if you want it that bad, you’ve got it!