Money madness

If you’re still trying to figure out the stock market, stop. It’s officially crazy.

Take the news Monday that the national economy has probably been in a recession since last December.

No big surprise there, although the old definition of a recession was two quarters of no growth. I thought the quarter we are in now is the first one with negative numbers. The first quarter of ’09 almost certainly will share the same dubious distinction, so shouldn’t that pairing officially begin our recession?

Whatever. The bigger surprise about that report from the National Bureau of Economic Research was that it hit Wall Street like a ton of gold bricks.

The cigar-smokin’ yellow-tie-wearin’ suspender-snappin’ hotshots were so taken aback by the news that the Dow Jones plunged nearly 680 points.

We’ll ignore the fact that the stock market has been up and down in the past month like a roller coaster on steroids.

The real puzzler is why this news threw the financial wizards into such a tizzy.

It was about the past — not the present or the future. As such, it really shouldn’t affect stock prices any more than your Aunt Helen’s hunches.

It’s like buying a life insurance policy after learning that you almost got on a plane that crashed.

At least this fits in with the rest of the crazy financial news. Once mighty GM is headed for bankruptcy. Gas prices are down to last year’s levels, and nobody is noticing. Washington’s solution to all the problems is to keep printing more money.

My parents used to talk a lot about the Depression. I always wondered what it was like. Guess I’ll find out.