Ralph's return

Below is a legitimate news story … with the real truth (my comments) in parenthesis:

WASHINGTON — Consumer advocate and 2004 independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader (yes, that annoying jerk) sued the Democratic Party on Tuesday, contending officials conspired to keep him from taking votes away from nominee John Kerry. (Righhhttt; if the bigshots hadn’t stepped in, Ralphie would’ve won.)

Nader’s lawsuit (which doesn’t have a chance in hell) … also named as co-defendants Kerry’s campaign, the Service Employees International Union and several so-called 527 organizations such as America Coming Together. ... (Left out were the Flat Earth Society, the Temperance Union and the Committee to Eliminate the Designated Hitter in the American League.)

The lawsuit also alleges that the Democratic National Committee conspired to force Nader off the ballot in several states (because every vote that loser got helped elect Bush).

“The Democratic Party is going after anyone who presents a credible challenge to their monopoly over their perceived voters,” Nader said in a statement (though he never explained why the word “credible” should appear in the same sentence with his name.) …

Among other things, the lawsuit alleges that the DNC tried to bankrupt Nader’s campaign by suing to keep him off the ballot in 18 states. (Why not all 50, Ralphie; can't you count that high?)

It also suggests the DNC sent Kerry supporters to crash a Nader petition drive in Portland, Ore., in June 2004, preventing him from collecting enough signatures to get on the ballot. (And let’s not forget the time the dry cleaner didn’t have Nader’s shirts ready or the time he ordered a pastrami on rye and got pumpernickel instead.)

DNC spokesman Luis Miranda declined comment on the suit (because he had 137 better things to do).