3 quick hits

Mary, Mary quite contrary

Former Jefferson County employee Mary Darlene Koch was already in hot water.

She was accused of embezzling $77,000 from a county training account and fired. It is a second-degree felony.

On Monday, she failed to appear at a hearing in her case. So an arrest warrant was issued for her.

Somebody needs to tell Klepto Koch that there is a very technical legal term for what she is doing. It is called …

DIGGING THE HOLE DEEPER!!!


Another shocking announcement from a guy you didn't know was still alive:

Former rock ’n’ roll crooner Donovan said from Scotland that he is opening the Invincible Donovan University, where students will study transcendental meditation.

First, the kids these days don't remember Donovan, who goes all the way back to the Psychedelic Era of rock music. His big hits were “Hurdy Gurdy Man” and “Mellow Yellow.”

Second, Donovan knew he would get some snickers with this announcement. In fact, he said, “I know it sounds like an airy-fairy hippie dream to go on about ’60s peace and love.”

Wow, that’s spooky.

That’s the exact, literal, word-for-word reaction that millions of people had across the globe.


You can have my brew when you pry it from my cold, dead ... oh, heck, I need to go to the bathroom.

If you thought the politicians had some explaining to do over high gas prices, you ain’t seen nothing yet. A shortage of hops and soaring prices for barley and wheat could lead to — no, not famine, you idiot — something even worse … beer shortages!

That’s right, folks; we had the article in Sunday’s Business Section. Seems it costs more and more to make a good brew — and you can throw in higher costs for glass bottles and aluminum cans as well.

The brewmeisters can’t just pass along these costs to the average beer-swiller because there are so many brands out there that something is always on sale somewhere.

And contrary to the nonsense peddled in beer commercials, most drinkers are not fanatically loyal to one brand. They want something cold and beery; for most of them, one yellow-brown liquid is as good as the next.

They might even — gasp! — switch to wine or the hard stuff!

The outlook is grim. Even the big breweries are scrambling, and the micro-brewers are crying in their beer.

... Well, they would if they had any.