Bake the bird

You wanna know what’s wrong with this country? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with this country:

Some idiot in Massachusetts wants to spend $2,600 so her pet turkey can have cataract surgery.

Why? ‘Cause the turkey – she’s named it Jerry – can’t eat or go flying with his female turkey friend, which she has named Penelope.

Awwww.

So she posted an ad on Craigslist asking for donations to pay for cataract surgery for poor Jerry.

This is utter nonsense.

That $2,600 could provide real health care for a real human being in need, not some stupid bird.

Yeah, I know we all waste money in different ways. But treating pets like people in this extreme way is just flat out wrong.

There is no shortage of turkeys in this world – those with names or those without.

“Jerry” should be laid out on a wood block, separated from his head with a sharp cleaver and then plucked, gutted and stuffed.

Then he should be baked at 400 degrees with a delightful yet restrained array of seasonings until his white and dark meat are nicely done and separate from the bone with minimal effort.

If “Jerry” could take one for the team like this, he would make a real contribution to life as we know it.

Until then, he’s just making fertilizer we don’t need.