Return of the Lastros?

If you’re a Houston Astros fan and you’re hoping for another exciting season, well, let’s just say you might have some free time on your hands around the World Series.

To put this delicately, most “experts” are predicting an Astros season that will be either mediocre … or crappy.

On Yahoo.com sports this week, three pundits made their picks for all divisions.

Steven Henson said the Astros would finish dead even, 81-81 — good enough, if that’s the term, for third place among the six teams in “Comedy Central.”

It doesn’t get any better. In fact, it gets kinda stinky.

Tim Brown predicted a 76-86 season for the ’Stros (fourth place).

Jeff Passan figured 70-92 (fifth place).

Sports Illustrated, the mother of all sports publications, joined in the dogpile.

It picked the Astros to finish 74-88 (fourth).

Rubbing salt in the wound, SI said new GM Ed Wade “did little to upgrade a rotation that was about as stable as francium in 2007.” (If you’re not a physicist — and how many of us are? — francium is a notoriously unstable chemical element.)

If you thought the addition of Miguel Tejada and Kazuo Matsui would put some lift in the Astros rockets, well, think again.

SI called Tejada a “declining star … whose range continues to deteriorate.” Matsui? An “overpriced journeyman (for $16.5 million).” (By the way, he doesn't like the nickname "Kaz" either. It's Kazuo to you, buddy.)

Hey, it could be worse. You could be a St. Louis Cardinals fan, like me. All of the above pundits predicted an even worse season for the Cards.

For the record, their picks respectively were 70-92 (fifth), 73-89 (fifth), 69-93 (sixth … and last!) and from SI, 73-89 (fifth).

Oh, well, get ready to utter the battle cry of the Chicago Cubs, “Wait ’til next year!”

And in the meantime, say the prayer that has sustained many fans in the NL Central for many years:

“Thank God for the Pittsburgh Pirates!”