Northern Exposure

Good luck, North Dakota, on your drive to boost the state population. That’s all I can say, as I sure as heck will never live there.

Neither will many other folks, including a bunch who were born there. That’s why the Roughrider State is hosting a job fair in Chicago and Colorado to lure young professionals back to their home state.

Seems that an economic boomlet of sorts has created more than 10,000 jobs. And while the good folks in North Dakota may have their shortcomings, they know that they have a better chance of convincing native-born sons and daughters to return. They know they will have a harder time persuading folks in the other 49 states to relocate to a place widely believed to be, well, cold, desolate and Godforsaken.

And that’s not just hearsay. I went through North Dakota on a bus once in the depth of winter. Once was enough.

I was headed to Manitoba, Canada, to view a total eclipse. The eclipse was nice. The journey up there was not.

I distinctly remember looking out of the bus window and viewing a surreal sunrise over a treeless, frigid, windblown plain. I distinctly remember thinking, “Hmmm. So this is what a sunrise on the moon must look like.”

Whatever. I bear no grudges. I do hope the job fairs will be successful and Bismarck will be bustin’ at the seams. In fact, I’ve come up with a few slogans to help the effort:

1) “We’re not the North Pole — that’s even farther north, if you can imagine that.”

2) “North Dakota — we’re like South Dakota, only colder.”

3) “Enjoy a wide variety of seasons in North Dakota — Fourth of July and winter.”

4) “Come to North Dakota! Frostbite isn’t just the Official State Disease, it’s a way of life!”

5) “North Dakota! It’s like Canada with American money!”