The inconvenienced astro-nut

Reason No. 67 as to why you might not want to break the law:

You might have to wear an ankle bracelet if you’re released on bond, and it’s a real pain in the, uh, ankle.

Literally. And don’t take my word for it, ’cause I’ve never been busted. Go directly to a very good source — former astronaut Lisa Nowak.

On Friday, Nowak asked a Florida judge to let her give back the electronic monitoring ankle bracelet so graciously loaned to her by the Orlando, Fla., probation folks.

This piece of judicial jewelry helps police keep track of where Nowak is, and where she shouldn’t be — like trying to eliminate the third party in a love triangle, which of course led to her current predicament and put the “former” in former astronaut.

Anyhoo, Nowak says the bracelet is no day at the beach. She claims she can’t wear it in public places because she is embarrassed that it might go off. Can’t get it wet. Says it’s bulky and uncomfortable. Interferes with her military boots. (She’s still a Navy pilot, though I personally wouldn’t let her take up a fighter loaded with surface-to-air missiles for a little spin around the Eastern Time Zone. But that’s just me.)

On top of everything, Nowak says the darned thing costs too much. She has to pay Orlando authorities weekly rent of $105. (Can’t they work out a monthly rate?) And she has to change the batteries every 12-15 hours. That schedule would make even the Energizer Bunny tired.

Whatever. Circuit Court Judge Marc L. Lubet will digest all this and make a Solomon-like decision soon.

Maybe he should ask the former astronaut this: “Lisa, darling, would you like to continue wearing this unpleasant little device … or get thrown back in the slammer until your trial?”

If the former astronaut had those choices, she might figure out that the ankle ornament isn’t that bad after all.