A new crime wave?

In my last post, I noted the extreme oddness and stupidity of a Missouri woman who was sentenced to four years in prison for faking the birth of sextuplets to get money from sympathetic folks.

It was the first time I had heard of this odd and stupid crime.

Then later that day, I’m reading our own Bayou, the greatest blog in the history of bloggery, and I find … the same scam in a different place!

That’s right, folks. This time, a couple in South Carolina, Nancy Cantu and Juan Solis, claimed they were having quintuplets to get money from sympathetic folks.

What the heck is going on here? Do we have an epidemic of fake multiple births to get money from sympathetic folks? Should state legislatures start passing special laws to prevent fake multiple births to get money from sympathetic folks?

You’re probably as concerned as I am about this new crime wave. But after thinking about this a while, I believe we are safe.

You see, the criminals who think they have found the ticket to instant riches have overlooked one major problem in the ol’ fake-multiple-births-to-get-money-from-sympathetic-folks scam.

That problem, of course, is that YOU CAN’T FAKE MULTIPLE BIRTHS to get money from sympathetic folks.

Look, you could borrow a kid or two from Aunt Bertha or Cousin Zeb for a photo op or a fund-raiser or an appearance at City Hall.

BUT THEY WON’T LOOK ALIKE AND THERE WON’T BE FIVE OR SIX OF THEM!

In other words, potentially sympathetic folks will eventually catch on that THERE IS NO MULTIPLE BIRTH TO BE SYMPATHETIC TOWARD.

Good grief; what part of “multiple” don’t these crooks understand?

Criminals of America, please don’t try this at home. Please go back to something like the pigeon-drop scam or the fake-night-deposit-box scam and let the rest of us live in peace.