Lottery luck

I finally did it; I won the Mega Millions lottery!

And I picked a good time to do it. The jackpot totaled $370 million. To everybody except Bill Gates, that’s a nice chunk of change.

I haven’t decided yet how to spend my windfall. You don’t want to rush into a decision like this.

… OK, clarification time: I didn’t exactly win all of the $370 million. I didn’t exactly match all six numbers.

But I did nail three of ’em — 16, 22 and 39. If I’d included 29 and 42 along with a Mega Ball of 20, I’d be pricing Lear jets right now.

Then again, I really didn’t pick any of those numbers. The computer did, as I chose the ol’ quick-pick option.

My philosophy is, it’s hard enough to win the lottery. If you’re gonna roll the dice, go all the way and let the machine control your fate.

As for my winnings, they add up to … $7.

Maybe I wasn’t so lucky after all. In Texas 46,427 people also matched 3 of 5 numbers. If we’d matched 3 of 5 along with the Mega Ball, our winnings would skyrocket to $150.

Oh well, maybe next time. Then again, I know someone who refers to the playing the lottery as “paying the stupid tax.”

Well, Mr. Smartypants, here’s the difference between you and me: You won’t play because you know you won’t win. I know I won’t win, but I play anyhow.

Does that make sense? I guess not.

One final thought: If you need another reason to realize that psychics and fortune-tellers are phony — and you shouldn’t — think about this:

If these people have that “special gift,” why don’t they ever scrunch up their brains and figure out which numbers will win the lottery the day before the drawing?

If they could do that, they wouldn’t have to read palms for ten bucks.