Mall wars

Those Kiwis are on to something.

In man’s endless quest to rid malls of punks, mall officials in Christchurch, New Zealand, have come up with a nifty weapon.

Barry Manilow.

They simply pipe his velvety tunes through the outdoor mall, and the soothing sounds either mellow out the young hoodlums, or better yet, drive them away.

Sure, that’s a drastic step to take. But the thugs were taking over public territory.

According to the AP, “A group of several dozen young people regularly spread rubbish, spray graffiti, get intoxicated, use drugs, swear and intimidate patrons. … ”

That’ll teach ’em.

The only downside I can see is that fleeing mall teens could rush out into traffic and suffer unpleasant consequences, but it’s hard to conduct any war without a little collateral damage.

They are expendable.