Auto anxiety

I’ve been having a nasty run of bad luck with my cars lately.

If this keeps up, my next mode of transportation will need a saddle and bag of oats to get started in the morning.

It all started a few weeks ago when my Toyota Camry suddenly started imitating a Formula One race car.

I was driving on I-10 one day when I tromped the pedal to pass some old junker. To my horror, the gas pedal stuck and I was zooming along at 95 mph for nearly 10 miles! Fortunately, I didn’t get a speeding ticket because most other cars on I-10 were moving just as fast.

I quickly traded in that time-bomb for a spiffy Prius. Hey, they’re good cars and they’re green too. Al Gore would be proud of me!

Everything was fine until I hit the brake pedal one day while approaching a crowded intersection. Nothing happened!

What is worse, a Toyota with a broken accelerator or a Prius with a broken brake system? (Answer: It doesn’t matter.)

Shaken, but not stirred, I unloaded that death-trap for a nice safe Chevy Cobalt. It may not be the fanciest set of wheels out there, but it’s dependable and affordable.

Things were OK for a while until I tried to make a sudden turn one day. No dice. No matter how hard I turned the steering wheel, the wheels under the car didn’t budge.

This was not good! I didn’t even have to ponder that timeless philosophical question: What is worse, a Toyota with a stuck gas pedal, a Prius with a broken brake pedal, or a Cobalt with a broken steering wheel?

I’ve decided that the real problem is that modern cars are too complicated. The more gadgets and doo-dads you put on ‘em, the greater the chance that something will go wrong.

I’m going back to the basics. Anybody know where I can get a used East German Trabant?