Don't mess with Texas

To: Kwame Kilpatrick, former mayor of Detroit

Re: Your possible plans to relocate in Texas

Congratulations, Kwame. You have successfully completed your 120-day sentence for corruption (and extreme stupidity). You will soon be a free man. In fact, you got out early for good behavior.

I hope you’ve learned a lesson and will turn your life around. But if you’re headed for Texas, please turn around. I wasn’t exactly thrilled to learn you are probably coming to the Lone Star State for a job interview, details unknown.

Kwame, we have enough problems down here, not to mention enough shady politicians. One more is one more too many.

If you carpetbag down here, nutty Rod Blagojevich could follow. Then former Idaho Sen. Larry Craig might get ideas. (Ick!)

You catch my drift? Pretty soon, we could be knee-deep in rehabilitation projects.

Please stay up north and bless folks up there with your, uh, presence.

If you absolutely must start fresh somewhere, consider a place with lower standards, like Las Vegas. You’d fit in better, and you wouldn’t have to wear cowboy boots or eat enchiladas.

Good luck, and don’t stay in touch.